Updates on Grades
Well, as of my last posting, I was ill and had still to take some finals. I have taken these finals and now have my grades for them.
CHM1025: a pass fail class which is meant to “encourage students in their chemistry endeavors, preparing them for CHM2045,” – U (Fail), with four hundred and some points out of the possible one thousand; class average – U (Fail), with four hundred and some points out of the possible one thousand, 27 students failed, 19 passed…I feel prepared for CHM2045, it’s just that I won’t be able to take it until I pass 1025.
Now, BSC2010: introduction to biology, it is a weed-out class, went to the review session before the final, and lo and behold, none of the stuff at the review session was on the final. Grade: D+. Grade on final: 75 out of 200. Previous grade in class: C. Class average on final: 100 out of 200. At least I expected biology to be this hard.
Despite the glum outlook of such news, I’m actually not too discouraged. Sure, this sucks, but I have faith in God, and no matter what, my number one goal is to strive to be what he wants me to be, whether or not I get a bad grade in a science here or there. And oh, one more thing, the song “Paradise” by Six Days to Sunday is absolutely amazing, as is the song “Grace” by Silers Bald. Alrighty, I’m out, off to study for my German exam. Peace.
Sigh
Sometimes I feel like I’m meaningful, appreciated, have a purpose…and then sometimes I’m alone in my room, sick in bed, on a rainy Friday night, chemistry final at 7:30 the next morning, everyone else out enjoying life, seizing the day.
Two Cuffs… In A Bind
Looking down, I notice two things which encase my wrists; the one constricts, the other liberates. Time clinches my wrist in the form of a watch, symbolic of how it fetters my life. Time bears down it’s wrath in the form of present and future things: 24 hours before my two biggest finals (tomorrow) I wake up ill; time is the thing which causes me not to have “time” to spend time with much important friends before they depart for the summer; time is the thing which eludes opportunities like having my grandfather serve as my best man at some distant future wedding; because of time I look ahead and wonder, “Will there ever be a time when I will have what I want?”…only to surface bigger questions, “What do I want?” Time, time constricts my hold on life.
The other strap upon my wrist bears a simple cloth texture, not like the hard, metallic, bejeweled makings of my other wrist, and the cloth overcomes the metal despite its simple form, bearing only the letters, “W.W.J.D.” Worldwide Jewish Domination? No, “What would Jesus do.” Jesus, the element that frees me.
Silent Reverie… and I Won’t Tell ‘em Your Name
Another entry which could have had several names; I thought of the name “Shy Reverie,” perhaps not too different, but I also considered the title “Name,” as per the Goo Goo Dolls song which I kinda get in my head when thinking about this post; I think all of the titles work though. Anyways, on with the post.
Peace
Well, it’s over the hill with the commitment, and no dates yet 
. Instead, I have this ultra sense of peace…almost surreal. I had two awesome conversations with two separate friends yesterday and I’ve just had a lot of insight into my life in these past few days. One thing that I’ve been doing is writing everything down, which really helps a lot. And the other day I discovered this thing called love languages which have really given me a lot of insight as to why I feel the way I do about certain things. Apologies on the url, the page is the “official” one on love languages, but as such it is intentionally vague as it wants you to buy their books. Alrighty, I’m out. Peace.
The End of a Year, or 18 Going on 19
April 18th of last year I attended one of my friend’s Catholic Bible study’s on a Thursday night. I was bored and looking for wholesome stuff to do. My friend was actually giving this imparticular Bible study lesson this night, so I felt it worthy to attend. Being at a Catholic church and not being Catholic myself made me feel admittedly odd, however, I soon found everyone there to be awesome people, and we proceeded to have an awesome Bible study time. The topic of the study this imparticular night was dating, and my friend and another student presented what they had found in the books “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and “I Gave Dating a Chance.” After much talk and discussion, each member of the group sharing his success and failure stories in dating, my friend and his fellow teacher of the evening asked if anyone would like to make a commitment not to date for a year with them. It seemed plausible to me, their argument being three pronged: 1. You’re not going to get married anytime soon and the purpose of dating is marriage; 2. Take a year off and concentrate on God; 3. God will provide, so even if you meet someone during this time, it will work out in the end if it is meant to. Understanding their arguments and knowing all too well the pain associated with this topic, I decided to make the commitment.
Sometimes It All Comes Together
Amidst all the confusion of the below, in my quiet time tonight, somehow it all managed to come together. Between good songs stuck in my mind and excellent Chambers and Spurgeon readings (even though I was reading for the wrong night 
, accompanied by one of my favorite passages from the Bible, it just all fell into place, and so miraculously, I’ve been reading about David recently, and he is definitely one of my favorite people of the Bible. It just so, just so fell into place, came together, truly, truly amazing. Eloi, Eloi, ich liebe dich. My God, my God, how I love You.
Capacitance
The electron flows through my brain, traversing an intricate pathway of neurons; here as an electrical charge reaching to the outer dendrite; there, as a neurotransmitter pioneering the synaptic gap.. all to become clutter in my mind. Perhaps if behavioralism had found the correct path these impulses might transcend into words on a page, cleverly phrased, captivating the eyes of an intrigued reader. But instead they remain as a Rubik’s Cube waiting awaiting the toying of a wearied writer journeying to bed. What triggers this electric flow? Watching an inspiring movie proclaiming “make yourself” only to be rebuffed by the thought that I am not my own. Should I be my own? Do I want to be my own? Do I labor as my own? Do I…? This voltaic circuit becomes severed by a flu ridden floor mate stumbling into our communal bathroom, leaving his mark as mucousal spittle upon the floor and unflushed urination on, around, and in a toilet 60 other people have to share. As I leave this desecrated room the angelic form of his girlfriend graces the hall from out his lair… and the fuse is blown, Repunzel has not let down her hair to a kindly knight, but instead has plunged to the trolls beneath the bridge.
Angels
Angel: Noun, A two year old kid that probably won’t live to see double digits. I’m not allowed to say names, as per patient confidentiality, but there is one kid who just amazes me at Shands. This child has an immune deficiency…ie: his body can’t deal with germs. This kid is what I’d think of as an angel; He’s only two, doesn’t get to run around everywhere, has to stay confined to a “cage” most of the time (being his crib so he doesn’t get out…for his own good), and yet, this kid never stops smiling…except when you have to leave the room. The first thing you do is walk into the outside room, he sees you, starts jumping up and down on his bed and saying “HI!” one of two words that he knows. You have to stop, wash your hands, and put on gloves, the angel can’t handle the germs on your hands, even after washing. You walk into the room, he immediately points to the latch which opens his cage, so you open it. Out fly his arms screaming “pick me up,” and up he goes, hugging you, then drops to the floor to play in his sanitary, confined room. You sit here for hours, watch this kid play. He comes at you with all sorts of toys, like any two year old…except one thing is lacking from this kids “terrible two” vocabulary, the word “no” is never heard. The nurse walks in, says play time is over, and he has to get his ear drops. He whimpers, but reluctantly accepts and is moved back into his cage. She proceeds to drop a few drops in each ear, one ear at a time, and he has to lay with that ear facing up for ten minutes, or later, if the nurse can’t come back. A two year old child, laying in his cage, unfettered, not moving his head for what must seem like an infinity, just because he is asked to. After the drops are done, it’s time for his IV, he once again has to remain motionless in bed as cold liquid is pumped into his body via a permanent IV. How does he do this? With a smile on his face. Medicine time is finally over, after 20 minutes of ear drops and then over an hour of IV, does this kid groan? No, when the nurse says “all done” he proceeds to clap his hands and say “YEEEAAAH!” But it is bedtime now, this child’s body racked by battles it can not fight; The child is dead tired, but not dead yet. And he falls asleep, as he does all things…with a smile on his face… Angels are among us.
Updates
Finished painting my room today ! It was quite a surprisingly hard job and I’m truly thankful to everyone who showed up to help…and yes, your pictures will be on my web page…someday . It turned out before we painted, we had to strip as much of the old paint off the walls as we could get, this was annoying. But, after two or so days of stripping, I finally got to paint . Unfortunately, those who wanted to help paint really didn’t get too due to timing, for this I apologize. But, the room is done, and as said before, a big thanks to those who helped .
