My ~Beloved~ Computer
Ok, I just reformatted my computer last week as it was continually messing up and not recognizing my CD-R drive. So, it appeared all worked fine, until today when I try to play an audio CD, well, and yesterday when I tried to watch a class lecture. Apparently my computer still chooses to ignore its CD-R capabilities, and now has also chosen to neglect its ability to play an audio CD, and has decided it no longer wishes to play online lectures… go figure. I’m not blaming the brand, but things aren’t looking to good for HP in my life, I haven’t had any luck with this one, and it’s the only HP I’ve ever owned. In fact, right now I’m staring at an “open” window on my screen which I closed about 5 minutes ago, guess the computer wants to keep it around for a while.
Bring in da’ Noise, Bring in da’ Funk
I think that was the title to some kind of Broadway musical… I think. Anyways, my mood as of late (or at least, in spasms as of recent) has been described by friends of mine as a “funk.” I suppose I am in somewhat of a “funk,” one of those “satiated with everything” funks. I feel I’ve become jaded, overcome by a sense of the meaninglessness of everything around me. Supposedly a symptom of modern society, where everything is instant gratification. Don’t dispair yet though, read on.
Now for the beginning part of the title: as I was sitting here, head in hands, fed up with it all, I start listening to Unwed Sailor again, it’s amazing how music can transplant me onto some kind of totally foreign plain, utter escapism, where nothing’s real, there’s only the music. So I guess the title should be “Bring in da’ Funk, Bring in da’ Noise”… but that’s not a Broadway musical of sorts, if the other one is “Broadway” at all.
The thing is though, I know it’s all just a mental game. It’s all about making it through the tough day, looking forward to tomorrow; looking forward to the dusk of despair, and the ability to rise up to a new dawn the next morning. The Orphan Annie and me, tomorrow, tomorrow… more Broadway musicals. I guess music in the form of songs helped Annie, and music in its various forms ministers to me as well. There is good news however, having ample experience with such things, I’ve become quite good at dealing with them, so I know that I’ll be fine, tomorrow.
Overwhelmed
Apologies on the lack of quantity and quality of posts recently. My mind seems to have stopped working as a result of my feeling so overwhelmed. I think the discouragement stems mostly from my desire to excel in so many things, and then I’m left looking at this sore eye of a website, my guitar untouched in months by my hands, my surfboard begging for attention, and so many other things calling my name. For me, the worst is when I know I can do something, I just don’t know how. Like, I know I could make a 4.0, I could have this awesome website, I could be this surfer or guitar player… I know all these things, just which do I pursue, and once I decide that, how do I pursue it? At times like these, my biggest thought on such matters is, it’s better not to think on such things. Apologies. Peace.
So Disillusioned
Nothing makes sense, all I can say is:
Speak to me Lord for your child is here listening
Speak to me Lord for your child is here waiting on you
Speak to me Lord for your child is here listening
Speak to me Lord for your child is here waiting on you
Unveil my eyes let me see You … see You
Unveil my heart let me know You … know You
Father do
Sigh
Sometimes I feel like I’m meaningful, appreciated, have a purpose…and then sometimes I’m alone in my room, sick in bed, on a rainy Friday night, chemistry final at 7:30 the next morning, everyone else out enjoying life, seizing the day.
Chapter I
***Part One: Academics***
Good God, I don’t think I’ve ever done so bad on a test in my life. The Simpson’s quote from yesterday definitely applies. Am I overreacting? We’ll, let me elaborate… there were 6 questions on the test, I wrote down an answer for 1.25 questions (one question was A, B, C, D), I may, and I stress may, have gotten one question right; on another happy note, I managed to fall asleep during the test (7:30am classes ARE a killer). My life has becoming a steaming pile of *insert word*. It’s amazing how all the *insert word* hits the fan at the same time in my life, and it’s been doing it a lot recently. I’ve got this test which I just took, I’ve got the chem test tomorrow night, I’ve got the *15* page bio lab paper due on Thursday, I got the German test Friday night, and my social scene has become a royal splatter art painting (perhaps with the afore mentioned to *insert word*). On my way back from calc/during the calc test I was thinking about all sorts of drastic measures in my life; drop out of school and join the military; drop out of school for this semester, work for a semester, and then come back and try again (maybe with a new major); run away and join a monastery…. Okay, so none of those are probably gonna happen now, on my way walking back I realized how much INCREDIBLY easier my life would be if I just dropped two classes, so I’m gonna wait a few and see if I should (the two classes being calc2 and bio lab). In other related notes, the calc2 and bio lab trouble definitely have me rethinking the whole “Dr. Nate” concept, right now I’m thinking how nice it’d be to get out in 2 years with a history degree and teach at a middle school somewhere (think of all the vacation time…*sigh*), how much does money matter? What’s the reader’s opinion? Is there a reader other than myself? Lemme know, I’m open to encouragement, especially now. Peace.
