Between Park and Reverse
After seeing a horrendous movie a month ago, but having quite an enjoyable time making fun of it, I drove back a great friend to her house. She was heading off for the summer and I wouldn’t see her again for a few months, so it was kind of a last sera for the summer. Driving her back, I knew this, and as I traversed the sinews of her neighborhood it saddened me that this was the last quality time we may spend together before she would depart, Wednesday, of the following week. Upon pulling into the driveway I asked if we could just sit in the car and talk for a while, having nothing really on my mind, but wanting to extend the moment as long as possible. Well, after the first few minutes being initially awkward as they often may be, we managed to find some awesome stuff to talk about, and two hours later, were still going strong. Looking at the clock and realizing the time that had passed, and that I had a class at 8am the next morning, or rather “this morning” as the date had changed, I felt it was time to end the evening and retire to bed. We said our goodbyes and she went inside, and I started the car and put it in reverse. And then, I stopped. Strangely enough, I looked at the shifting column and my gaze vacillated between the park and reverse positions.
With my foot on the brake, this debate continued for another few, in actuality seconds, though seeming minutes. “Park:” Stay, stay and say what I’ve wanted to say for so long, but am so incapable and scared of saying: What will it mean? What will happen to us because of it? “Reverse:” Back up, retreat leaving things unsaid but with the security of knowing at least I didn’t mess anything up; perhaps the coward’s departure, or perhaps the sage advice. After the debate had taken its course, I finally grew enough courage to put the car in park, but though the car was stationary, the engine still ran and I lingered inside. Eventually I managed to turn off the car and draw myself out. With my cell phone in hand I approached the front door. After a few attempts, walking back and forth on the path that lead to the door, I finally found myself at the door, cell phone still in hand. I pick up the phone, sped dial her number, not wanting to knock due to the hour of the evening, or rather, at this point, morning. As the phone rang once, I hung up, but, again I called back, and this time I let it ring. She answers and I say I’m still outside and I have one last thing I’d like to say before the close of the evening. She comes to the door, and my tongue swells in my mouth to this lifeless lump of flesh. I stumble through my words starting, “I have a hard enough time telling my own family this…” and then come the stutters, “I, I, I…I…I love you.” But immediately, so not as to be misunderstood, I follow with “as a friend, and as a sister in Christ.” I begin to back up, ready to defend myself from an onslaught of anger for claiming such strong emotions, or ready to apologize profusely when she finds offense in my words. And then nothing, a wonderful nothing happens, she just stands there smiling, maybe a “thank you” escaping her lips. As we continue in the moment, her cat darts out of the house, which provides a nice release for me, as my tongue has chosen to continue in its inert form. We make our way around the house to capture the cat, and after our success head back towards the door. I hear her say “Whoa, awesome,” and then I direct my gaze towards where she is looking and see this incredible moon, hidden in shadow, looking like a silver crested orb in the night sky… what a wonderful evening.
This was our outing, our last “sera” for the summer, the first time I’ve ever told a non-family member that I love them. There are many before who were, and some who still are, well qualified to be dubbed that honor, but she, she deserved it. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend. I love you as a friend. Have a wonderful summer.
Oh, and happy birthday.
The End of a Year, or 18 Going on 19
April 18th of last year I attended one of my friend’s Catholic Bible study’s on a Thursday night. I was bored and looking for wholesome stuff to do. My friend was actually giving this imparticular Bible study lesson this night, so I felt it worthy to attend. Being at a Catholic church and not being Catholic myself made me feel admittedly odd, however, I soon found everyone there to be awesome people, and we proceeded to have an awesome Bible study time. The topic of the study this imparticular night was dating, and my friend and another student presented what they had found in the books “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and “I Gave Dating a Chance.” After much talk and discussion, each member of the group sharing his success and failure stories in dating, my friend and his fellow teacher of the evening asked if anyone would like to make a commitment not to date for a year with them. It seemed plausible to me, their argument being three pronged: 1. You’re not going to get married anytime soon and the purpose of dating is marriage; 2. Take a year off and concentrate on God; 3. God will provide, so even if you meet someone during this time, it will work out in the end if it is meant to. Understanding their arguments and knowing all too well the pain associated with this topic, I decided to make the commitment.
